one of the leaders of my church was quoted as having said,“Adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way.” I'm tired of character development! He has also been quoted as having said,“It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.” Tonight my life's story is a sad one. It's frustrating when I can't even sit in a chair long enough to type this without having to bend and contort my body to relieve the pain. Can't walk 600 steps around the block. Can't stand to do dishes, bend to clean bathrooms, the list goes on and on. Tonight I give up the fight. Tomorrow I will start again, try and have renewed fight. Tomorrow I will make waves and I'll be alright. As for tonight I've had it. I am indeed choosing to develop this story by putting myself to bed. I hope your tomorrow is sunny and bright. I pray for us all that the pain and gray skies of life might quickly give way to lots of SUN. Bright clear skies and a wonderful warm sun.

Roller coaster Ride

On Friday I was so pleased. I followed up with my Dr and we had a plan. He wanted to do a PICC line and do some hard core antibiotics for a week. The IV antibiotics must decrease my lymph nodes just enough that they quit causing pressure on whatever it is that hurts me. It's been almost 4 months now of nearly constant pain. I was so excited at the prospect of it going away! Excited to move normal and not hurt. This morning that all changed. Dr.G talked to the Infectous Disease Specialist, Dr. Ford and now we are doing yet MORE tests! Yesterday I cried about it and today I am getting my fight back. Reminding myself that I'm ok! That I'm alright! http://youtu.be/LVxon65u3tA

Attitude of Gratitude

Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation? In other words, I’m suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances—whatever they may be. I'be been working each day at changing my health by changing myself. Creating that attitude of thankfulness and gratitude. I have been given so much in my life and would be remiss if I didn't say so. I have a sign above my computer that I reference often. So often. It says, "Note to self: I Am Enough" Each day is ours for the taking. I can choose to focus on my limitations or to focus on all that I can do and to set goals to do more. I remember going up the slide the wrong way as a child. The slides were slippery and sometimes you'd fall backwards, regain your footing and then climb again. Upon occasion you'd even slide all the way back to the bottom. It didn't deter me at the time from hoping up and climbing again. Why allow the slips of life to keep us from the fun of climbing up and the accomplishment of making it to the top? I am committed each day to climbing. I slip lots. Sometimes it hurts more than others but in the end I get each new day to try it again. There's a quote from one of the apostle's of my church, in regard to My Savior Jesus Christ that says,"Only one who has taken the full brunt of such adversity could ever be justified in telling us in such times to “be of good cheer.” Such counsel is not a jaunty pep talk about the power of positive thinking, though positive thinking is much needed in the world. No, Christ knows better than all others that the trials of life can be very deep and we are not shallow people if we struggle with them. But even as the Lord avoids sugary rhetoric, He rebukes faithlessness and He deplores pessimism. He expects us to believe!" I believe. I believe in new days and new beginnings. I believe in climbing each day if I have to just to experience the fun of the slide back down. "You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.” Here's to smiling another day, smothering out the sadness so that the smoke will give light to the sun, the blessings of this life and the new day that's mine for climbing.